Sunday, May 23, 2010

Really early reaction to Lost finale: My cable went out!

 Time Warner CEO William "Boss" Tweed in repose.


   Direct transcription of my conversation with a Time-Warner Cable rep tonight

Not sure there is really anymore to say, other than there must be an excellent column about why people turn to internet piracy somewhere in my experience tonight.  For what seems the millionth time this week (but which is really only something like the forty or fiftieth thousand time this year), my Time Warner cable took a dump.  It started glitching about an hour from the end of the Lost special retrospective, and it just got worse straight up until the finale began.  By that time, every five seconds or so (or less!) a giant glitch would hiccup across the scene, jumping the sound and picture a second or two (or three or thirty) forward in time.  Someone turned the wrong donkey wheel   again!!!    down in the TimeWarner Bunker of Pure Genius, and then our cable television worked about as well as...

Well now, I'm at a loss to come up with a metaphor or simile for something as unreliable and rapacious as Time Warner Cable.  Not every day I am annoyed speechless.

Guess I'm a spectator until the show starts popping up online.  Thankfully that will be later tonight.  Until then, I'll sit here and think thoughts about TimeWarner, who just so happen to know the lines in my neighborhood are outdated and failing left and right, and yet whose employees still act surprised-surprised-surprised every time you call them for yet another service call.

Gotta love a monopoly. 

So, guess I won't be watching until the really wee hours for this one, and that I won't even be able to participate in the immediate aftermath here online.  Forget just not writing a recap tonight; I won't even be able to indulge in reading any comments this evening, or checking out any other recaps and participating in the online discussion.

Hey, no big deal.  Only been looking forward to this night for six years.  It's not as if some Time Warner executive vice president personally came over to my house and stabbed me in the eye with a rusty heroin needle.  It could have been a lot worse.

So you kids go enjoy your night out on the town.  Say hi to all the other geeks for me, and tell them I'll be thinking of them while I'm slamming my head against the wall here at home.  And I'll see all of you right back here in a day or so, when I get to actually write about The End, rather than writing about my quest to find a way to see The End.  (All of which will come sometime after having actually found a way to see The End, which, thanks to the magic of modern science, my faith that I will do so soon is as strong as the John Locke of Gilbratar). 

 Hey, I can do this all night, folks.  It's not like I have the series finale of my favorite television show of all time to watch right now, or like I have anything else to do after having cleared practically my whole day to do so.

(Deep breaths.  Very deep breaths.  And begin again).

You know, I have to say that the finale did appear to be very good in between the glitches.  I was into it, even if most of the time I wasn't exactly sure what was happening, or if there were people or animals on the screen. I could tell that RIchard was still on the blowin' shit up path, and that Ben said something to someone in one scene.  And I saw Sun and Jin get some baby love from Juliet, and I nearly cried thinking they were maybe going to get some happiness here in this sideways world.  

Well, I didn't nearly cry, actually.  I wanted to, but I was too pissed off and the frizzing screen was giving me a headache.  Ever try to cry like a 12-year old girl when you have a headache and are a 40-year old dude?  It ain't easy. 

I thought I saw some predictions looking both very good and very shaky.  And Sun and Jin got some love time, so yay!  At least I got that much before I gave up and decided to wait until I could find it online.  I am yet again a twelve year old girl for a short time. 

So you go play now, and I'll see you in a day or two.


  1. Kevin Not SmithMay 24, 2010 2:32 AM

    Dude, that blows. Time Warner blows. The Lost finale blows. So it all has a certain symmetry to it, doesn't it?

    How can a show be exactly what I wanted and not at all so? That's what I got out of the finale. Can't wait to hear what you have to say.

  2. Emotionally satisfying and logically wanting, that finale blew me away. It will take a while to want to talk about the flaws, which ended up being legion, but that is ok. They truly paid off the characters in the end, and that is all I really wanted them to do. That they would mess that up was my biggest fear, and that fear was groundless in the end.